the summers…part 2

date: wednesday, 24th may 2006
well i was just going through my previous post titled ‘summers…’ when I thought that it would be great to start writing a series on ‘summers’. I would try to talk about how I am progressing on the things I thought I would work upon in the summers.so this is the first sequel to that post.what to do in pune!! okay, today is just the third day of my stay here in Pune (sorry, third day at NCL and fourth in Pune), and I now kinda know the timings and other things of my stay here.i would have to work in NCL from 9:30 in the morning till almost 7 pm. tough , huh? counting the one hour break for lunch, it is almost a nine hour thing. pretty tough, especially when the prof is always in the room breathing hard on your neck. Though by nature, the prof is really nice and accomodative, he makes you work hard. And I thought that it would be a chill summer project. the only good thing is that there are many other students like me here, and even under Dr. Ravikumar (thats my prof), there is a guy from IITB and a girl from IITKGP. Both are pretty nice though they are kinda maggus. That girl is DR1, however, she doesn’t act like one! She is very small though her mouth is so big – a chatter box, someone completely unlike me in that respect as i don’t speak much.and that guy, Preshit Nandekar(??), (and that girl’s name is Aasha Parekh, don’t confuse her with that actress, 🙂 ), though not having a high DR is a maggu – fights hard at whatever work he is given. Aasha like a typical girl is always besides the prof, asking him questions and questions and questions.before i start digressing too much, let me come back to the original theme of this post. the summers.okay, so now i have very little time after exhausting myself at NCL – 10 hours mental work is very exhaustive – believe me. i reach back at my place by 7:30, rest for a while , have dinner and after reading for a couple of hours just fall asleep. no more insomnia or anything. though it has been just a couple of days, i don’t know if it would become a routine or what. also, i m hoping that i get accomodation in the hostel itself so that a lot of time would be saved in travelling to and fro (around 45 minutes walking). also it would help me in staying here till the first week of july. hope everything turns out okay.i feel scared these days to pray to God in case he thinks i am burdening him too much – first that walia course thing and now here. i gotta fight it out on my own. i know i am spending a lot of money and understand its importance. its just that i can’t help it. hope the training turns out to be worth the money. i just want to learn a lot and a change for the better in my personality , in my handling of other people specially strangers. i just hope that when i go back , i would be a better person.for improving english part, i think i would have to manage only with the reading part as for now. no writing or analysing myself.well at present i am studying signal processing – fourier transform and wavelet transform, in order to process LDA signal (Laser doppler anemometer) data from a bubble column reactor. prof is really good in that he is very intelligent and at the same time very good with MATLAB and other required softwares.it is already 6:15 right now and i want to go back to my room now. tough day today as lots of studying – understood a lot about the FFTs but not the wavelets. hopefully tomorrow would be another day. also i wish to roam around pune. hopefully on friday!

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summer project

well I am finally in NCL and hopefully well settled… the prof is pretty cool and the colleagues too are chill (excepting the fact that they are proper maggus). lot of people from iitb and iitkgp but i m the only one from delhi. sucks huh.. i guess this is what was meant to be… meeting new people – new friends… hopefully it would turn out to be a great learning experience not just academic wise but also personality wise. Interacting with people!!!
anyhow, last week had been pretty busy! the trip to ambala…the marriage of shelly… the trip to chandigarh…getting sick and getting better just before the longgggggggg journey to pune…the apprehensions on the long journey … that couple of big guys who you just start hating by the look of them…finally reaching pune…the problem of lodging…the problem of reaching ncl… thanks to mr. rajesh who helped me at all times.
the project is good but i don’t really know yet what I am doing… doing just some mathematical work for a scientist or am i really learning something worth it.
i don’t know yet but i better start working now… it sucks that orkut doesn’t work but atleast i can blog!!!!!

God is there!

yes, God is there! It had been such a terrible week with so many ifs and buts but finally, the d-day came and I was saved the blushes of a fukka. Though I got really bad grades in a couple of courses, but the amount of preparation I had this sem, it feels great to have atleast scraped past the figure of 7 as my SG. Well the summers now await me with a new sense of direction and hope. Though for the past week I had been thinking of spending a summer in solitude and rethinking over my life, the no fukka sem has made me to again think. A journey of four hours is there for me to think over this. God, thank you very very much for giving me a new lease of life. I will fulfill the promises I made in the last few days. Life seems much more pleasant and happening now. Thank you papa and mummy, I know I put a lot of pressure on you. But it is just that I believe in you so much that I put all my troubles at your feet, because you are the ones who are truly God for me. This would not have been possible without your prayers and wishes. I love you very very much – no matter what happens in future I will try my best not to hurt you and give you everything that you ever wished for. Also, a big thank you for my brother, who is so very supportive and always there whenever I need him. Thank you big bro!
My thanks would be incomplete without mentioning my friends here. They were so very helpful and supportive when I was on the brink of getting a fukka, and the ways they tried to cheer me up. Also, it felt great to see the happiness on their faces when they heard that I was saved. great friends indeed. The only thing that hurts is the fukka that my friend, gabru got in this course. But it is good that he has got the course in the summers and there would be no problem in the future for any of our chem friends.
Everything happens for good! God, thank you again for being there when I needed you the most!
Cheers!
Also, my eye is fine now. I was not able to go home yesterday as the eye problem I was mentioning about became much worse. I went to the IIT Hospital but he was not able to take the thing out. He gave me some medicines but they were not effective. then I called up Dr. vikram uncle’s house. Aunty told me that those eyedrops the IIt doctor had given should not have been given and then she told me put a new eyedrop. She also scared me that if the thing remains in the eye for too long, it might become a serious problem. I was starting to feel really scared and thougth it would be best to go to their house, and that they would take care of everything. After taking a few of those eyedrops, I packed up my shorts and a tshirt and toothbrush and went to their house. She saw the black thing in the eye and removed it with a needle. Can you imagine that? Having a needle put in your eye? It was so scary, but she really is a skilled doctor. I did not feel a thing . Such dexterity – unbelievable. Thank you aunty. Now my eye is as good as ever.
I slept there overnight and came back first thing in the morning. I have been here in IIT for the last couple of hours but haven’t packed a thing. What the hell am i doing?
well i gotta stop this post and get ready.
I don’t know when I will write the next post, probably when I reach Pune now.

good morning!

good morning! it is 5 in the morning and I just woke up! yeah you heard (oops… read ) it right. I woke up so early. Actually it was something tthat I decided a cuople of das ago and it happened by nature, I hadn’t planned to do this before going to Pune. I hope I am able continue this… but of course not this early…probably around 7 woould be appropriate. anyhow lets see how things work out. Last night, theer was kinda storm with rains lashing at the windows and the winds howling and dI was outside in the lawns sitting with my friends when suddenly some dust particle stung my eye. Even after washing for several minutes it still hasn’t gone and is hurting badly. I cannot open my eyes EVEN NOW. That was the primary reason for me sleeping early last night. And please, sorry for the spelling mistakes in this post. I am writting everything with my eyes closed just letting my fingers do all the typing.
Okay now today is 15th May – the D-day… the day the grades would be out. Om Namah Shivay! God bless me! Hope I am saved the blushes. God, please save me.
Today I also have to leave for Ambala. I have to do alll the packing – then see the grades… go to kishan uncle’s house to keep the computer…and then leave. Hope I am able to do all that today itself. Just want to keep my parents happy. wel, the eye giving me big prolbem… again lying down
At 8:30 am
well the eye is still sore, man, life fll of hardships for me…come on damn it, atleast this eye should stop to hurt!
i was planning to pack during this time but just fell asleep…i hope everything happens for the best…
well i got to stop writing this and do something productive nwo.

the summers….

hmm.. the summer break has finally started… and what a way to start. I was hoping to do so many things…just waiting for the majors to end so that I could plan the summers meticulously this time around. Well there is the NCL training to look forward to but at present there is nothing positive in the world. At present, I am just waiting for the grades. I know there is nothing I can do but even sitting at home, I would not be able to face my parents. So I am delaying seeing them as much as I can. Though they are very supportive and would instead help me move forward in life, I know I have disappointed them. yeah, yeah… I mentioned this in my last post and would not ramble on this time. Okay, so there are the summers coming up… a long two and a half month break, of which I spend one and a half in Pune at NCL. ANd the remaining one month, most probably in Shimla.
So besides the training, what else I can do staying in Pune? The most important thing I am planning now to do is sit back and think over my life and the priorities that have to come up during my remaining period of stay in IIT. Well there is a long time to stay in IIT – three years. So what after that? A couple of years of work experience before doing MBA in the States, or, going to IIM. Whatever the case, I am , at present, thinking of doing MBA. So I gotta start preparing for it. The most important thing being English. It has really taken a downfall since I have come to IIT, and writing this blog is one of the primary means of going back to old form. I need to most of all brush up my vocabulary which I guess has remained stagnant for these couple of years (or maybe thats what I just think). Reading loads of books would be a primary priority in my life now and thsi starts this summer itself. I am planning to finish off the LOTR series, besides reading the Eragorn and Eldest.
Secondly, I have my writing skills to work upon. It has been almost an year since I stopped writing now. I have to continue and try to finish off the Plause Tweaks: The Discovery, so that I atleast have the story in written form, and then I can work on it, and maybe re-write the whole thing, once I have my skills polished. Every now and then, the grade comes to my mind. God please, please save me this time around.
Okay, so what else? Should I forego my previous reading style, and start underlining difficult words and finding out their meaning? Would the effort be worth it? Well I guess the better thing to do would be to take CAT lessons, probably from the Net. Anyhow, right now I am feeling pretty hungry and would finish this post after around 15 minutes…
After LUNCH
mmmm… pretty heavy lunch… just had a discussion with a friend who has a very low CG but still hasn’t got any fukka…there are just so many persons who even though not getting a fukka – have a low CG; however in my case it is just the opposite…even though I have maintained a pretty good CG (well an average CG to be more precise) one could never have imagined me getting a fukka… a shock for everyone; and that is when I am not scoring that badly in other subjects… just got a B in hukka.
However hard I try not to think about it, the issue does crop up out of no where. Intriguingly, we concluded that here in IIT, most professors do not test the knowledge in the majors and just try to prove their mettle against other profs. Giving just one question in the majors out of 10 chapters, comprising 50 marks is proof enough that the prof was not testing the knowledge but trying to show that he is such a stud prof that he can get away with such blatant display of power. Considering such a display, on looking back at the working of other profs, I am proud to say that I studied under Prof. A.K. Gupta, who truly tested the knowledge of the students rather than proving his mettle against any other prof. God save me please!
Okay I don’t want to ponder much on the past now. The most important thing now is how should I cope with such a disaster and move on in life. Having such wonderful and understanding parents would surely help.
Anyhow, let me come back to what I was rattling before the lunch break. What to do in the summers? Reading voraciously – writing loads of stuff – thinking about where I want my life to go – would remain on top of my list. Then would come relationship building – yeah, this is one area I have clearly lagged in the past two years, though I tried to remedy it in the last six months i guess. Anyhow, I think having good relationships is one of the primary routes to success in life – it helps one in having a good personality that would surely help me in the future i guess. Chalo, now I am pretty tired of sitting in an uncomfortable position and hammering the keys – there is some problem with them. I need to get the CD writer fixed!!! After summers now!!
God, I hope you are there!
Om Namah Shivay!
Om Bhur Bhavah Swaha, tat savitur bhare niyam;
bhargo devasaya dhimahee, dhiyo yo naha pracho dayat |

bleeding…………..

Good Morning!!
it is quarter to nine in the morning and I have yet to fall sleep. huh, sounds funny? life indeed is funy. one day, you are okay and life is going on with its usual problems and happenings and then suddenly, out of nowhere, a bomb just drops on you and you are left nowhere to go. Yeah, people have much bigger problems in life than my present problem, but then studies is everything that was going to lead me in life. How can I be so stupid? Right now, I don’t know how I am going to face my parents. I have disappointed them big. How can I do this to them? How can I? They are my everything. I have no one except my family and this is what I show them of what I am capable of? What is the purpose of crying? What purpose would it serve? It won’t help you in passing? The thing that most hurts me is the fact that I truly don’t deserve this? I had studied so hard for it, doing the assignments by myself and when the d day comes, what i get is this? How can God be so cruel to me? I know it must be the restult of some really bad things I have done in the past but how bad can they be. God, really, though I was putting other things above studies in my priority list, but I never meant things to come to such a pass. God, you know, I don’t deseve this. You are the one who is pushing us towards materialistic pleasures. Now, what motivation do i get after this? to become a better man? huh?

I don’t know what you have in store for me but let me make it clear – I can’t afford this. Please, please , please God, let me pass this course. I have learnt my lesson, if that was what you meant me to learn. How can you be so cruel? I will be left with nothing, nothing at all in my life. I am not smart looking at all – one of the worst ones in the world, i guess – then I am not good in relationships either, don’t have a female friend on whom I could fall on in such times, not a good personality – can’t talk much in a group, one of the introvert ones, there was just the studies but now you are planning to take that away too. You know what, I am smiling right now!! smiling at the futility of my life – no purpose, no reason. there are just my parents and my brother, for whom i dedicate this life – whatever I do should please them, should make them happy and smile ; and not feel hurt and disappointed with my activities. but that is what you are making them feel and that hurts me. let me tell you , i am not fooling you or myself or any other person – i really love them. it is even more painful these days when i have so much time in the world and as i reflect in the past, (a thing I never did before in my life), I think of all the things that I have done to hurt them. Oh God, How much I wish to undo all those thigns.This is really going to shock them God; please bail me out of this please, please…… don’t you think it would be just too much. I won’t be able to reconcile to this fact God. How will I face them? How would I open my mouth to say that I have failed. I may be making too big a issue of this, but it is indeed very big thing for me God, really, I can’t afford it. Why don’t you understand? I have nothing else in my life now. I don’t have the urge to do anything. All I would think of is this. See, I am not some rich business man’s son that I can afford this and let it remain a small issue. I can’t, okay. I have to work my ass off to earn. My parents did all they can to provide the best foundation any parent could have for his child, and the least I was hoping was to serve them everything they wanted when I start working. But such things just demotivate me. Oh, I am just kinda repeating the things over and over. I am feeling sleepy now. I don’t know why but at present, I can see , as I close my eyes, a person, most probably sitting , with a black cloth over his whole face. I guess, just like a convicted person ready to be executed. Bood scattered all over the screen – my eye. watching too much of smallville i guesss? papa, mummy, I am very very sorry for all this. I never meant to disappoint you. Please believe in me…and just support me as you have always done. There is loads of motivation I need right now to pursue my goals, however the path to those might become a lot more difficult.
I love you very very much. I might say things that might hurt you sometimes but always I never meant to say them like that time during the car ride, I was just being too stubborn and adamant on my point of view that I was creating fiction to support my theory. You know, God, how much I love them – the best persons on the earth.
Good bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The worst is yet to come??

well this is the time for ulti desperation! i have sucked up myself big time this majors and I just hope I am able to just scrape the figure of 7 this time as my SG, of course. God help me! My majors are not yet over and the final last one is tomorrow and it is the biggie – Walia!! This was the one I was fearing the most as I have very less marks in minors in this one, but after the other majors, I don’t know what worst I have yet to face. I have just come after giving chl260 major and even though I had pretty good preparation, I failed to justify that preparation. I had left just one program yesterday assuming that my luck would not be so bad that that program would only come and to my luck(?), that comprised of one-fourth of the question paper. Simply bad luck or what?
How I wish these majors to end as soon as possible? But at the same time, I am really not looking that much forward to the coming summer break. First and foremost, it is the training I have to undergo at Pune. Since I would be alone there( I mean no acquaintance) it would be quite a new experience for me except when I came to IIT (however then all my batch mates were facing the same problem). But I am being positive and thinking of all the things that I could do there. Being alone, I would be able to sit back and think – a thing that I have not done for a long time now except these blogs which as you see are highly infrequent. Probably i would be a regular blogger during my stay there. Also, I would be able to read voraciously during the period. Being the new Library Secy of the Hostel brings along with it certain privileges and I have access to all the books, so I would select the best ones I haven’t yet read, and take them along with me. Secondly, (this involves training too), the train journey to go to Pune. I would be travelling for around 30 hours at a stretch – alone and that too on a mode I haven’t travelled much on. previously I had such a long train journey when I was like four years old. So you can guess my excitement as well as the apprehension going through my mind. Writing this, I realise that another pasttime could be writing – there is the “Plausi Tweaks: A discovery” to finish. I just hope I have become a better writer since the last summer.
This is becoming kind of long blog as suddenly I remember that I still have one day to go before my majors are over. Tomorrow would be another day, when at 12:30 in the day, I would be a free man, once again, and then I can sit back and think over my plans for the summer.
Hoping to fod the Walia paper tomorrow! Wish me luck!