There were so many decisions I was dealing with – job, love, mba car – that I felt trapped until I solved those dilemmas. I decided to not apply for mba again. I decided to leave my first ever job at ZS and move to Pfizer. I decided to buy my first ever car – that too a BMW after mind boggling dilemma of whether to buy BMW or something like Mazda/Accord. And then the ever present confusion of my love life.
Here I am a few weeks later – with a brand new BMW, a brand new job. But why does everything still feels the same. I still cry like a baby on hearing ‘tum ho’ from rockstar. Better work life balance has not brought inherent happiness and neither has this awesome new BMW. I say inherent – because though on the outside, things seem better. Work seems better and driving a car like BMW feels great.
But I do not feel happy – I miss my friends from ZS. Miss the time spent in cribbing about ZS. All the shit I talked about with Dan and Shriti. The discussions about life with Ricky. Though it has been just a week, I miss all of it and I dread more of it in future.
I am scared as hell of the future. What am I chasing? Why am I so self occupied?
I do not regret anymore not doing mba. That fucking does not matter. No one cares a shit about it. Watching the documentary, ‘I am’, demonstrates the importance of love in a connected world. Give love – and you get it. Give and give. Show warmth. The way you meet people. Be kind. Smile. Do not show the pain in your heart. Express your feelings. Absorb the pain and give out love. Absorb the hurt and give out love. Be kind. Smile.