Rambling

My mindset evolves at a rapid rate. Or better to say changes. I am usually dissatisfied. I heard on Mad Men that dissatisfaction is the seed of ambition or something on those lines. But are we all not aiming for a happy and satisfying? Or is this a cycle? As soon as we get something we wanted for a long time, we want something else. Never happy with anything. 

I miss simpler times and crave for happiness. 
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Be more productive!

Following your heart and intuition

That’s all I have done most of my life but is it really my heart speaking? Isn’t it simply a construct of how the environment and peer pressure have shaped my thought process? Yes but then that is what life is all about. 
I like to think I am not influenced by what other people say or do or think. But the fact of the matter is that I do care what other people think. I don’t know. Everyone has their own life journey. Why am I so frustrated with my life? Seemingly, I have quite a bit of time on my hands – that I can use to be much more productive. 
Why am I so selfish? Why can I not help others without expecting anything in return? I don’t like doing anything for anyone. I am so self occupied. How can I change? How can I become a better person?
Do not take anyone for granted. Invest in both personal and professional relationships without expecting anything in return. If that is too tough, then just think of it as an investment in network building that will add value to the future. Forget about your ego.

Idea machine # 3

Traveling to Manhattan is always an experience. The energy and vibe of the city is refreshing. It makes you want to dream again. It reminds you that the world doesn’t revolve around you and that is comforting in the sense that I can do whatever and not care about what people think.

The first step to ‘being creative’ is to be inquisitive. Being curious and asking questions will lead to more exploration – more reading and being knowledgeable.

One of the questions that surprisingly puzzled me today is ‘why does light travel at a constant speed’. I mean I understand it is empirically observed but why and how? Like, how can the photons only travel at an absolutely fixed speed? There are so many magnetic waves etc around the environment – not a single photon gets affected by anything and speed up or down by a single nanometer.

Well I am sure there is a good simple answer to that somewhere. Or maybe we as humans are just limited by what we know so far. There could be ways to speed down the light and use it for other applications. Just a random thought!

Idea machine # day 1

I am going to start flexing my idea muscle again. That is the future and I need to be creative – will be helpful in whatever the hell I do in my life.

The change will not be instantaneous. I need to develop a habit so hence I will blog every day for atleast the next 21 days and hopefully continue to be regular beyond that as well. Again, it is not that I am not capable of hard work or creativity. I just need to focus myself.

Planning is the key – I always forget this. I dream of something and time just flies by without me doing anything as I don’t have a concrete plan of action to realize my dreams or aspirations.

What would make my life easier? A better easier way to iron clothes for lazy people like me. Need to get a larger iron board. A way to process my thoughts in a more structured form. Being able to use this downtime in my life to think big and not just think but also act big. Stop talking about people. Discuss ideas. Meet people. Being able to charge phone/laptops wirelessly. A way to monitor my health and have alerts on deficiencies.  A smart chip in my skin/blood is definitely the future. Or atleast a very inexpensive way to test blood at home for monitoring my health. It is weird how my idea muscle has faded – I feel it in meetings as well. Like always, forget what has happened; think about how you can get back on your feet. You cannot change the past. Now I am not going to suggest an idea to go back into the past to change anything. Atleast not physically. Maybe a psychological way to travel into your past and adjusting memories to get back on your feet. Our life is anyways a movie with projections of our memories and not real experiences.

Who thought 20 years back that we would be able to have video chat capability at such an inexpensive format? Holographic technology would be the future. Wearing one of those lenses, one could travel and be in another place mentally. Imagine that for couples having long-distance relationships. That would be incredible.

Rambling!

I am having too much time on my hands. I worry about stuff more than doing anything. I need to dust myself up and take action – writing down my thoughts is a start!

What do I want to be? It is tough being almost 30 and not being excited about what I do on a daily basis. I should be grateful for being in a role that most people don’t have at my age but it is not about comparing to the other folks at Pfizer. I am smarter than them – I work less than half as hard as they do and still manage. I need to be working tremendously hard at this stage of my life. Not just doing the best in my work but also exploring opportunities outside.

I need to develop habits to build myself again. It is not like I haven’t done things before – I have been creative, hard working, smart, reader, writer and ambitious before. It is mostly putting my mind to it. With so much freedom and independence, the drawbacks of being a procrastinator get significantly highlighted. I just need to get back on my feet again.

Last couple of years have been a mess. Two years back, I was doing great. I was in a healthy relationship and despite being busy, I aimed for doing MBA. It still fucking hurts like hell but I had to move on from that phase of life. Crushing both my personal and professional aspirations with brutal blows.