Waking up in the middle of the night is usually not a pleasant experience. What is more irritating is the inability to fall back asleep. Last night, when I woke up at four in the morning, I couldn’t fall back asleep even after a few indiscernible minutes. At that frustrating moment, out of the blue, I thought to apply the most basic and the only meditation technique I knew – focus on my breathing.
It wasn’t easy as my mind strayed to random thoughts. It quickly became a haze as my sleepy mind registered the reason for my lack of focus. The inability to clear my mind and focus on the task at hand leads to the state of mental obscurity. Usually, at that point I would fall asleep, however, this time I decided to do something about these stray thoughts.
I wanted to observe those thoughts from a third person perspective. It was easier said than done as thoughts at four in the morning are immensely personal as well as fuzzy.
I focused on the first thought that sprang up – my parents’ happiness and them worrying about me and my brother. As I forced myself to separate that thought from the entire fuzziness of 4am, I realized the need to also disassociate myself from the feelings related to that thought. Without that disassociation, I would easily dig a deeper hole and get lost in the haze.
I need to stress that it wasn’t easy. It felt like pushing a ball against a hard wall. In fact, to my surprise, I unconsciously began to focus on that ball and could unmistakably visualize it. It was the closest to a Eureka feeling that I ever had. I could feel being a bystander as I observed the ball pushing against the wall. It was trying to free itself from the mangled collection of thoughts on one side to the clarity on the other side (spherical such that the sphere held the mangled thoughts with the free space outside it).
As I visualized the wall boundary being stretched, the ball suddenly broke free and passed through the boundary. It floated into the space on the other side surrounded by calm and peace. It was my first thought bubble and I felt so clear-headed. Probably this post does not do justice to the experience, but at that moment, I figured out an amazing process of clearing my mind to focus on a task. I picked up the next thought – my feelings towards my love – and let it form a floating bubble as well. I felt so light.
In those moments, I realized I had stepped upon a highly personal meditative tool to bring sanity into my life. There are just too many things in my mind at one moment that I can never get to the task at hand. It is frustrating.
I realize that the application of thought bubble creation process is going to take practice and immense effort to translate it into a habit. However, I feel very excited about this new way to bring sanity to my current muddled state of mind.