I was just about to start typing a sad post again detailing my busy schedule, no time for fun, relaxation, and I can, as always, go on and on. However, I just went through a few of my last posts, and my search for an optimistic, energy-filled, post remained unfulfilled. And thats when I realized that this sad attitude could be the source of my problems.
Of late, things haven’t been going as well I would have liked. Well that is an understatement as I have failed pathetically in taking the right decisions at the right time. I just keep pondering over certain things and day-dream much more than I should as it leaves me little time to ‘actually’ work. Some things have started to get on my nerves and I am getting really frustrated. There is so much to do and when I do get the time to do something, I just sit back and wait for some deadline to come to push me to work. Why don’t I ever work without a deadline? I guess that is a problem with everyone of us; however, with the bad start to this semester, I would really have to do the inevitable (of working without a deadline) to pull off a good SGPA this semester.
Anyways, let me now sit back and strategise. Make a list of the things I have to do this weekend and plan accordingly. There are a lot of assignments to be done, and not to forget fact that because of the GATE nightmare, I need to put in a lot more effort to prove my worth to my Project Advisor. Let’s hope I can pull it off.
Its a little baffling to me as to how my mind is leaning more into analysing stuff…analysing situations, people, my own ideas etc. It wasn’t so at all a couple of years back. That was the time when an idea would strike me and I would set to work on it religiously. I never analysed people before. I have never been a good observer, atleast not consciously – neither of people nor of objects. However, I still consider myself to be creative. And that could be explained by my higher sense of imagination that I use to put into my design pieces. However this doesn’t have to do anything directly with what I intend to write in this post.
Its been almost two weeks now since I came back from States and the feelings spawned since then have been mixed. It felt great hugging my parents, meeting my college friends and visiting IIT again. However it hasn’t been so easy. There are a number of things that I NOW value about USA that I didn’t when I was there. I went there having the idea that being a new place, I would present a new “me” there – breaking all shackles and barriers and just have a blast. I made my intentions clear pretty early. However as things weren’t turning out to be so good and as thought out by yours truly, I got itchy. I wanted more fun. I wanted to experience the States as the Indian youth imagines it to be – visit new places, take pictures, eat, sleep and do whatever I wish without ever worrying about anything – not worry about how others feel, how others interpret the stuff I do and most importantly not worry about how others think about me.
However, things have changed. I have realised the importance of thinking for other people after balancing and taking into consideration the ideas of two different people at the same time. I have also realised that I had not been such an irresponsible person as I thought I was. I did always consider what the others might think of what I do.
On the whole, I have realised the complexity involved in relations. It is just so easy making people close to you happy when you are a child and they never take you seriously. However, things change when you grow up. Your every action is debatable, a step into a discussion that you won’t like; and thats I guess what adulthood brings with it – the complexity in relations that children never realise.
However I still have two more years of college and this internship period has made me realise the importance of this remaining time. It appears in all probability that this is the last long period when I can enjoy life to the fullest – with not much tension and surrounded by my friends. Chak de!!!!!!!!