Down but not out!!

“Being sad is not always bad”,
screams a title of an article in the Sunday Times today. When you are down, you are not happy with the situation and hence try to improve it, says the article. Now, 9 times out of 10, I would never read such an article. I take pride in the fact that such moral-boosting articles and self-help books are for the meek, coward people. And I still do.

However, this title caught my eye during a time when nothing is seemingly going right for me. Now I know, I resort to blogging whenever I am feeling low, and today is no exception. In fact, its much worse than ever before. Last week was what I can easily consider to be one of the worst times of my life. Earlier, whenever I would feel down, I would search for the bright spots still holding true for me; but this time its different. Wherever I search and look, I see darkness.

Now, the worst thing was failing to secure an internship this summer in BR. From being in a situation of never having heard of BR, to a time when I knew so much about BR and the finance field, that I was just so pumped up to land this position and carve my career. This goes without saying that there have been numerous positives that have come out of this enriching experience. I have understood a lot more about the outside world; as well as , more importantly, a lot more about my own self. What I want to do in life, still remains a question no doubt, but things are much more clear now. However, the fact remains that I failed. It was a challenge, and I had worked really hard to prove myself worthy of the position. Till today, I am still not clear of the reason but it hurts to know that I failed myself.

Apart from this internship thing, my brain has become really cluttered these days. Things appear very foggy and I am not being able to think clearly. The increasingly dry and hot weather is not helping my case, and I have become extremely lazy. Even with lots of work to do, and lots of time at hand; I am just not pushing myself at all.

What I probably need is a different perspective of life in general. When the chips are down, one needs to just all the more hard for things to fall back into place. They just won’t fit in by themselves. I just hope I am able to do what I am thinking and pull myself out of this doom asap.

I can do it!!

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Irony!

I was just about to start typing a sad post again detailing my busy schedule, no time for fun, relaxation, and I can, as always, go on and on. However, I just went through a few of my last posts, and my search for an optimistic, energy-filled, post remained unfulfilled. And thats when I realized that this sad attitude could be the source of my problems.

Of late, things haven’t been going as well I would have liked. Well that is an understatement as I have failed pathetically in taking the right decisions at the right time. I just keep pondering over certain things and day-dream much more than I should as it leaves me little time to ‘actually’ work. Some things have started to get on my nerves and I am getting really frustrated. There is so much to do and when I do get the time to do something, I just sit back and wait for some deadline to come to push me to work. Why don’t I ever work without a deadline? I guess that is a problem with everyone of us; however, with the bad start to this semester, I would really have to do the inevitable (of working without a deadline) to pull off a good SGPA this semester.

Anyways, let me now sit back and strategise. Make a list of the things I have to do this weekend and plan accordingly. There are a lot of assignments to be done, and not to forget fact that because of the GATE nightmare, I need to put in a lot more effort to prove my worth to my Project Advisor. Let’s hope I can pull it off.

Confused to the hilt!

Well the post below was written on the 7th of January this year. However, at that time, internet was not working in my room so I had just saved it in my comp and forgotten all about it. The title of the post is the same as I had kept on that day.

Life can be so annoying at times I had never imagined! Its not anger that is boiling within me but frustration that slaps me hard after few wonderful moments that I experience. I have just started a new semester at my college after a month of vacation. The last couple of weeks have been all the more masti with my cousins from US visiting us in India. We had such a wonderful time doing many a kind of stuff that I wanted to do breaking many a barrier. It was a time when I had nothing to worry about – just forgetting most of your worries and pushing them into the background and letting your heart do all the work does allow you to enjoy to a great extent. Though a couple of the worries still kept pounding within my head, I still had a rocking time.

And being in that vacation mode, when you have to come back to your college that is full of cut-throat competition in all spheres that one can imagine can be really tough for anyone. Suddenly I have to decide on the courses to choose this semester. Next is the huge competition and I would not be completely off the mark to say the huge politics that is beginning to ensue in one of the groups I am involved in. And being fresh from a great vacation, I don’t want to get involved in all of it; but life being as it is, I guess there is no option for me but to enter it head first.

I don’t know for sure but maybe I am becoming less ambitious recently. I feel like just lying on a bed with a television screen in front of me all the time or a computer where I can watch american tv programmes; or if not at home I want to really enjoy myself. I just hope I am thinking of all this just because I have come right from a nice vacation and I am gradually able to balance work and leisure nicely. With some tough courses to study this semester I hope to study more and get better grades.